Scenario…

“Hi Amalya, when you get this message, I would like you to call me back as SOON AS POSSIBLE, we are having a dilemma here, and I would like your input”

I call back.

My spiritual counselor goes on to explain this dilemma with a the disclaimer that she can not decide on her own because she is too close to the issue, and that her opinion is very subjective. So she wants others advice to confirm her thoughts. She goes on to say that she will try to explain it as unbiased as possible.

One of the other young ladies (about 30 I think) in the assembly has been offered a full time job with State Farm Insurance. She has been waiting for this job for a long time. The job will offer her benefits, and a pay well. She is used to a aquiring assignments through temp agencies and such, but this job, a friend has arranged for her from within the company.

Now, my spiritual counselor has been publishing books, and has a non-profit organization she is trying to start-up. And she needs an assistant. So she let known to those in her business circle that she is seeking someone to feel that position. The position provides guaranteed pay for three months. She is not sure if the business will be good enough to promise anything more.

So she offers the job to the young lady. She has gotten both offers in the same day. She agreed to work with my spiritual counselor first, then thirty minutes later, the job from state farm was offered.

The question posed to me, and the other members of the assembly “What would the soveregin wish her to do”?

Work and be employed in the world? Or to work with the Word and message of the Sovereign?

My spiritual counselor felt that the best choice, using the will of The Soveregin as a guide, was for the young lady to work with her, as an assistant to her.

It is respectable that she is asking for help from others to try and discern if what she is thinking is what the Almighty has put in her mind.

However, what is the worth of my opinion to her if she is not in that position. Why hasn’t the young lady approached me with the question? Is she going to go back to the young lady and say “Well, everyone in the assembly thinks that the best choice is to work for me and the Sovereign”.

I explained to her, that I am currently struggling with trying to find out what God is telling me. I am trying to decide if i am being resistant because I am being asked to do things that I don’t want to do, or if I am being resistant because the path to God is strait and narrow, or if I am being resistant because God is telling me this is not what he wants for me.

These questions have been exhausted. I do not have the information that I need to get an answer. So I have decided that I am going to go searching. Searching for God. Searching for where he wants me to be. And if he brings me back to her, I will be grateful.

I do not wish to remain in a place where “God” feels dark, and overbearing. It is taking me farther away from him. I want to see God in a light that is beautiful, and joyous. I don’t know exactly what it needs to be like for me to see God in that beautiful light. But I trust that he will reveal to me the truth. I just hope that my eyes are open enough to see it.

I just hope that my old ways don’t get in the way, and try to pull me away from the truth. That is another concept posed to me. In actuality, my legal name is not Amalya. It is my baptism name. My spiritual counselor refuses to call me Amalya. When she does say my legal name its always in a statement like “Is this Amalya speaking?” or “Amalya would never say something like that” or “I think Alyssa is trying to come back and put you in a direction that pleases her, and not the Sovereign.” I am not comfortable with that for some reason. My mind can’t grasp it.

I hope that I am not giving into weakness, and choosing a path that is easier for me, and not truly dedicated to God. I don’t know what God wants from me. I just know what my spiritual counselor believes God wants from me. And honestly, I can’t trust her anymore.

I hope I am not turning away a gift from God. I hope that I am not upsetting him, or frustrating him. I want to do whatever I can to make him happy, and please him, and show my thanks to the best of my abilities. But the way to do that via the way of my spiritual counselor who states that she is a follower of Christ does not feel right.

And that feeling is hard to kill, and put to rest. So I believe it is there for a reason, and it is calling me elsewhere. I hope I am making the right decision.

I apologize to those that feel the decision is simple, and I truly am thankful for your support.

Love and Blessings.