It has been more than a while…

My dedication to writing this blog faded as I grew confident in my relationship with God.  I believed I was fine, and had the strength that I needed to develop a relationship on my own with God.  I did not want something that is so important to me, with so much potential to grow into something amazing to be controlled and dictated by someone I really couldn’t trust.

Some of my readers from a while ago know that for a while I flipped back and forth between trusting this person.  I am not quite sure if I should be happy or ashamed to announce that yes, I have left the assembly.  Now instead of not knowing if I should stay, I no longer know if I should return.

Much has happened since my last post.  Many things to bring a smile to my face.  I have a job, I am currently living in my first apartment (alone!).  I am achieving many firsts and I am very happy. 

I am happy, but empty.  I will admit that since leaving the assembly I have grown away from the idea of God that was planted in my mind by the assembly.  I have not been able to pick up the Bible lately to refresh my mind and strength.  The words don’t mean anything to me anymore.

I’m lost.  Again.  But I have a little bit more strength this time.  I just wanted to let you know that I am coming back.  Not that I expected anyone to miss me.  This post is more for me.  A declaration to myself that I will make it through. 

What am I making through exactly?  I am trying to make through the wool that I’ve allowed to be pulled over my eyes these past few months. I’ve been excelling in my career, and education.  Its what I wanted, and it feels great.  But like I said, it is empty. 

Almost as if I have been wasting time developing a part of me that didn’t need any attention.  While I concentrated on part B, part A is shriveling and struggling to hold on.

So, part A; what is it that you need from me?  What have I kept from you?  How can I make you flourish?

I crave honest laughter, smiles, love, happiness, and tears.  I’ve had enough of pain.